{"id":19367,"date":"2025-03-29T19:44:06","date_gmt":"2025-03-30T00:44:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/?p=19367"},"modified":"2025-04-04T22:33:39","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T03:33:39","slug":"gray-on-gray","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/archives\/19367","title":{"rendered":"GRAY ON GRAY"},"content":{"rendered":"

A story by Maja Solar translated from Serbo-Croatian by Rebecca Duras<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sivilom na sivom<\/b><\/p>\n

Gledam kako komarac gravitira oko njegove glave. \u010cini se, ve\u0107 \u010ditavih nekoliko minuta. On nastavlja da pri\u010da stameno i izgleda kao da niti \u010duje niti prime\u0107uje lete\u0107i objekt. Ni\u0161ta ga ne ometa. Hm, je li to komarac? Pitam se da li David, koji sedi pored mene i slu\u0161a prezentaciju, prime\u0107uje isto. Komarac, ili ve\u0107 neki drugi insekt, sleti ta\u010dno na prodav\u010devu desnu slepoo\u010dnicu. On nastavlja da pri\u010da. Ne pomjera ni\u0161ta osim usta. Ne mahne rukom. Ne trepne.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pro\u0161lo je pola sata od kako je do\u0161ao, a pre\u0161ao je tek deli\u0107 prezentacije u kojoj opisuje mogu\u0107nosti \u010dudesne ma\u0161ine za \u010di\u0161\u0107enje i odr\u017eavanje ku\u0107e. I kako vam se \u010dini, pita nas nakon svakog segmenta. \u0160ta mislite koliko bi svaka od ovih sprava ko\u0161tala ako bi se kupovala posebno, otprilike? David i ja lupamo cifre, znamo da je liku bitno da pro\u0111e svaki korak i da mu se tako ra\u010dunaju bodovi. Nama je bitno da nam o\u010disti sofu. I ovu u dnevnoj sobi i onu u spava\u0107oj.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tek smo se uselili i isprva smo se jako obradovali kada su nam javili da su nas izvukli u nagradnoj igri: dobili smo besplatno \u010di\u0161\u0107enje. Nakon vala ushi\u0107enja, David se malo zamislio i onda rekao kako je mogu\u0107e da su u pitanju lopovi. Jer on bi, kada bi plja\u010dkao stanove, radio to ba\u0161 tako, obja\u0161njavao mi je. Prezentirao bi ku\u0107ni ure\u0111aj koji navodno prodaje, a istovremeno bi pamtio lica stanarki i stanara, pa kada iza\u0111u iz zgrade on bi to znao, sedeo bi u kolima i sve bri\u017eljivo pratio. Zar nije \u010dudno, pita me, \u0161to su insistirali da oboje budemo tu. Zajedno smo tek nekoliko mjeseci i njegova logika me dosta umiruje. To kako odmah od svega napravi neki <\/span>plan<\/span><\/i>, pa i od opasnosti. Postoji puno dobrih na\u010dina da se obogatimo, ka\u017ee, mo\u017eemo i da plja\u010dkamo. Ipak smo odlu\u010dili da budemo u tek iznajmljenom stanu u dogovoreno vrijeme, da se nadamo \u010di\u0161\u0107enju, a osmislili smo i mehanizme kako da predupredimo potencijalnu plja\u010dku na\u0161ih stvari. Prvo \u0107emo ih pitati koja kompanija je u pitanju, pa \u0107e David guglati i provjeravati, dok ja treba da \u010davrljam i \u0161armiram ih. Dosetili smo se i da bismo mogli tra\u017eiti neku identifikaciju. Pretresli smo jo\u0161 nekoliko opcija i nastavili da se radujemo besplatnom dubinskom \u010di\u0161\u0107enju sofa.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ushi\u0107enje sada spla\u0161njava, polako se umaramo. A prodavac se zalaufao.<\/span><\/p>\n

Komarac ili neka druga buba se zadr\u017eava na Goranovoj slepoo\u010dnici. Tako se zove prodavac, Goran. Studira FTN i ovo je po\u010deo da radi prije dva mjeseca. Podrobno prezentuje svaki korak onoga \u0161to mora da ispri\u010da u najmanje dva a najvi\u0161e tri sata, jer ako skupi te bodove posla\u0107e ga za mjesec dana u Be\u010d na neku obuku. On nam to sve ka\u017ee na po\u010detku, igra i na skupljanje bodova svojom iskreno\u0161\u0107u. Po\u017eelim da mahnem i oteram komarca, mu\u0161icu ili \u0161ta ve\u0107, ali o\u010dekujem da \u0107e on to uraditi sam, nemogu\u0107e da mu ne smeta. Nastavljam se, zajedno sa Davidom, udubljivati u uloge zainteresovanih slu\u0161aoca i kupaca. Pomislim kako bi bilo sjajno da imam te pare, da odmah prekinemo prezentaciju i da poklonim Davidu, koji je ospesivno uredan, \u010dudo od ma\u0161ine. Komarac odleti, a Goran nakon nekog minuta ustane. Vadi ve\u0107 neki deseti dodatak ma\u0161ine, kojim sada \u010disti pod. Jo\u0161 uvijek dosta koncentrisano pratim \u0161ta pri\u010da, ali pazim i da ne propustim \u0161ta se doga\u0111a sa slepoo\u010dnicom. Ho\u0107e li se pojaviti makar malecno crvenilo? Prvo \u0107emo usisati obi\u010dnim usisiva\u010dem, ka\u017ee, pa onda na\u0161om ma\u0161inom. Uklju\u010duje Davidov usisiva\u010d i pre\u0111e u nekoliko poteza preko poda. Onda nam poka\u017ee papirne filtere, ima \u010ditavo pakovanje bijelih krugova. Mali su, oblika kao najmanji heklani tableti\u0107i, onih koji su obi\u010dno ispod pepeljara ili vaza. Jedan filter postavi u neku pregradu, pa usisa istu povr\u0161inu koju je ve\u0107 pre\u0161ao usisiva\u010dem. Isklju\u010di ma\u0161inu i izvadi papir na kojem su sivkasto braon ostaci pra\u0161ine. \u010cak se mo\u017ee osetiti i pesak, ka\u017ee, a mi pipnemo i izra\u017eavamo, ve\u0107 po ko zna koji put, odu\u0161evljenje. Potvr\u0111ujemo da nam se i ovaj dodatak svi\u0111a. Letimi\u010dnim pogledima shvatam da David postaje snu\u017eden. Prezentacija se polako pretvara u borbu izme\u0111u njegovog starog usisiva\u010da i male, ali svemo\u0107ne, skalamerije: me\u010d izme\u0111u lakopera\u0161a i te\u0161kokategora\u0161a.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Prodavac pri\u010da i pokazuje razli\u010dite na\u010dine \u010di\u0161\u0107enja. Postaje sve toplije, iako je danas pala ki\u0161a i prili\u010dno je hladan ljetnji dan. Mi smo u malom i dobro izolovanom stanu. Otvorena su vrata terase. Goranovo lice je sve sjajnije, glas mu se razmek\u0161ava. Pri\u010da ve\u0107 skoro sat vremena. Rije\u010di poput rascpucanih kokica ispunjavaju sobu. D\u00e2 nam da uporedimo dva papirna kruga. Onaj koji se lako pocepa je za obi\u010dne usisiva\u010de, onaj neuni\u0161tivi, koji David i ja poku\u0161avamo nekako poderati ali ne ide, za svemirsku ma\u0161inu. Metalna sprava je manja od usisiva\u010da, ali ima pregr\u0161t dodataka koji su u ogromnoj kutiji. Srebrnasto-crna ma\u0161ina o\u0161trih uglova izgleda kao opasno voze\u0107e stvorenje iz nekih <\/span>Ratova zvijezda<\/span><\/i>. Davidov crveni usisiva\u010d, koji je najve\u0107im delom plastika, <\/span>name\u0161ten je<\/span> pored mo\u0107ne sprave. Stari usisiva\u010d, insistira prodavac, traje oko pet godina, a ovo najmanje trideset. Gledam usisiva\u010d koji mi li\u010di na mekanog ku\u0107nog ljubimca, bacim pogled na ma\u0161inu i ona mi se naceri.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Na Goranovoj slepoo\u010dinici se pojavila crvenkasta kvrga sa bijelom sredinom, zna\u010di ipak je bio komarac. Jo\u0161 se ne dodiruje, ne podi\u017ee ruku i ne \u010de\u0161ka se. Nastavlja da pakuje pokazane dodatke. Dolazimo do va\u017enijeg dela, ka\u017ee. Vadi plasti\u010dno crijevo. Nije obi\u010dna plastika, naglasi kao ne\u0161to va\u017eno, kompanija je investirala u visoko kvalitetne materijale. Pa namje\u0161ta istu cijev na tri na\u010dina, jer je svaki za druga\u010diju vrstu usisavanja: za zavla\u010denje po \u0107o\u0161kovima, usisavanje poda stoje\u0107ki uspravno bez savijanja le\u0111a, usisavanje gornjih povr\u0161ina, \u010dak i stropa, opet stoje\u0107i bez savijanja i izdizanja, bez penjanja na stolicu, <\/span>gospodski<\/span><\/i>, ka\u017ee on. Ovo je ve\u0107 drugi put kako je upotrebio rije\u010d gospodski, pa zamislim sliku ljudi u odelima, sa kravatama, kako usisivaju gornje delove komode. Goran opet isti\u010de kako zdravlje nema cijenu, a ovaj ure\u0111aj je re\u0161enje za gotovo sve probleme. Usredsredim se na kvrgu na slepoo\u010dnici: prodavac jo\u0161 nijednom nije dodirnuo mjesto uboda, \u010dak ni ovla\u0161. Mirno, nau\u010denim pokretima i redosledom, pokazuje mogu\u0107nosti podnog, stropnog, zidnog i drugih \u010di\u0161\u0107enja. Lice mu se sve vi\u0161e sija. Mokro je. Stalo\u017eeno pomjera ruke, samo se zlatni lanac oko lijevog zgloba blago zatrese. Kvrga je sve ve\u0107a. Po\u010dinjem da bridim, kvr\u017eica iritira mene. Prodavac isklju\u010di ma\u0161inu i izvadi oba filtera. Prvi, onaj za stare usisiva\u010de, pokazuje da propu\u0161ta pra\u0161inu na filter koji je postavljen ispod njega. Drugi filter je nepropustan i ne mo\u017ee se pocepati. U nekoliko navrata ih zamjeni, pa nepropusni filter bude pun pra\u0161ine, ali drugi ostaje skoro \u010dist. To je jo\u0161 jedan dokaz da obi\u010dni usisiva\u010di \u2012 koji dosta usisanog izduvavaju nazad u prostor \u2012 propu\u0161taju dobar dio prljav\u0161tine kroz papirni filter, obja\u0161njava nam.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To je jo\u0161 jedan dokaz da je Davidov crveni drugar inferioran.<\/span><\/p>\n

David ustaje i odlazi do terase. Pali cigaretu. Goran zastane i kao da se malo obraduje. Pita ga za jednu cigaru, a ja jedva do\u010dekam da mu ponudim jo\u0161 vode i da iza\u0111emo na trenutak iz <\/span>ekonomskih uloga<\/span>. Slobodno napravi pauzu, ka\u017eem, odmori malo, nije ovo lako. On uzima cigaru i po\u010dne da se obra\u0107a Davidu opu\u0161tenijim tonom u glasu. Iako sam se uzvrpoljila oko sudopera, stalno se okre\u0107em i pratim situaciju sa kvrgom na \u010delu: da ne propustim momenat kada \u0107e se po\u010de\u0161ati. Prodavac kine. Alergija?, pitam. Da, ka\u017ee. Od pra\u0161ine? Ma ne, na ambroziju. Kvrga kao da se smanjuje, ali Goran \u010dak ni u pauzi ne di\u017ee ruku da se po\u010de\u0161e. Sada nas opet, kao na po\u010detku, ispituje o nama. Pitao je odakle smo, koja smo godi\u0161ta, pa je poga\u0111ao, pa proma\u0161io moje za vi\u0161e od desetlje\u0107e, pa razrogra\u010dio o\u010di kada je izra\u010dunao razliku u godinama izme\u0111u Davida i mene, i rekao silaznim tonom <\/span>pa dobro<\/span><\/i>. Ve\u0107 je nekoliko puta zverao svuda okolo i istakao kako smo vrlo pedantni. Pitam se da li \u0107e re\u0107i jo\u0161 jednom <\/span>ba\u0161 ste super<\/span><\/i>, kao \u0161to je rekao na po\u010detku kada nas je odmeravao. Je l\u2019 mogu ne\u0161to da te pitam, zainteresujem se. Naravno, ka\u017ee. A koliko si ti uredan? On ka\u017ee: <\/span>iskreno<\/span><\/i>, ne ba\u0161 toliko. Ne \u010disti i ne sre\u0111uje stan pre\u010desto, ali onda jednom kad se nakani, sve sredi. Ne pitam ga da li poseduje ovu spravu, jer je ve\u0107 rekao da je student i da ovo radi od nedavno kao posao za dodatnu kintu. Sumnjam da to mo\u017ee da si priu\u0161ti. Deluje \u010disto, osje\u0107a se neka vo\u0107na nota, ne\u0161to kao oni dezodoransi koji su bili popularni devedesetih, Denim i sli\u010dno. Oko lijeve ruke je zlatni lan\u010di\u0107, na desnoj je fensi sat.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Predavanje u duhu robne estetike se nastavlja. Slijedi dodatak sa posebno mo\u0107nom \u010detkom sa finim dlakama koje usisavaju pra\u0161inu iz skrivenih dijelova. Ka\u017ee mi da donesem laptop. Odmah otr\u010dim u sobu, ali se malo zamislim dok ga uzimam, jer ako je u pitanju plja\u010dka\u0161 sada zna da imam laptop. Valjda \u0107e primetiti koliko je star, mo\u017eda da ga obavestim kako ne radi nekoliko slova na tastaturi. Donesem komp, a prodavac nekoliko minuta usisava pra\u0161njavo \u010dudo izme\u0111u tipkica koje ne samo da ne vidimo nego, opi\u0161e nam, nijedan \u0161tapi\u0107 za u\u0161i ne mo\u017ee tako dobro izvu\u0107i. Pokazuje prethodno bijele filtere, sada prepune pra\u0161ine. Pitam se da li mi ovo ulazi u nos dok kuckam. Odmah utr\u010davam u sobu da donesem be\u017ei\u010dnu tastaturu od <\/span>pc<\/span><\/i>-a i vra\u0107am se ushi\u0107ena kao kad sam na morskoj pla\u017ei. Kontam da lik nije lopov nego deda mraz koji \u0107e sve lijepo o\u010distiti i spasiti nas od svih prljav\u0161tina, bakterija, grinja, pijeska i \u0161troka ovog svijeta. On se smeje, ali usisava i tu tastaturu temeljito. Ponavlja koliko je pijesak lo\u0161 za na\u0161e \u017eivote, kako uni\u0161tava name\u0161taj i stvari, kako je svuda skriven a mi ne znamo. I kako zdravlje nema cijenu.<\/span><\/p>\n

U pretposlednjem dijelu prezentacije, va\u017enijem od prethodnih, prodavac kona\u010dno najavljuje \u010di\u0161\u0107enje sofe. Prezentacija je bila gradualna i u svakom segmentu je naglasio kako je sada ne\u0161to jo\u0161 va\u017enije, a kako stvari stoje izgleda da ni ovo nije kulminacija. Na redu je, dakle, kau\u010d. Oba kau\u010da, koja su bila tu dok smo se uselili deluju prili\u010dno staro. David i ja, a on malo vi\u0161e, zaziremo od kori\u0161\u0107enja ne\u010dega za \u0161ta ne znamo kako i ko je koristio prije nas. David je opsednut \u010disto\u0107om. Skoro svakog dana temeljno \u010disti stan. On pere su\u0111e, jer je onda \u010distije i sun\u0111eri su dobro oce\u0111eni, sve dezinficira visoko-procentnim alkoholom i Asepsolom, kupatilo obilno zaliva Domestosom i usisava na svaka dva-tri dana. Mjesta gdje spavamo, jedemo, kupamo se i vodimo ljubav su crvene zastave na njegovoj mapi za \u010di\u0161\u0107enje. A ako je ne\u0161to nepoznato, poput stana u koji smo se tek doselili, to dodatno uklju\u010duje antene, pa kao iz topa nabraja \u0161ta je sve neko prije nas radio ovde, kakvo bi sve porijeklo fleka moglo biti i koliko mi ljudi dlaka, izlu\u010devina, krmelja, nosnih, u\u0161nih i drugih materija svakodnevno ostavljamo.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Prodavac namje\u0161ta novi dodatak. David se sjeti da bi mogli da se usisaju i dijelovi trpezarijskih stolica na kojima je tapacirung, na naslonu i na sjedalu. Lik ih \u010disti, a mi mahnito guramo sto koji smo priljubili uz zid, da bismo oslobodili sve stolice. On ih fakat \u010disti. Ushi\u0107enje je opet u usponu. Nastavljamo da dajemo maksimalne ocjene za svaki dio koji nam Goran prezentira, nastavljamo da budemo iznena\u0111eni koliko je ma\u0161ina mo\u0107na i \u0161ta sve izlazi iz povr\u0161ina koje sam prije neki dan ribala \u010detkom i jakom hemijom. Ali ne samo da sva ta uvre\u017eena sredstva ne mogu to da o\u010diste, ona i uni\u0161tavaju na\u0161e stolice i kau\u010deve, ka\u017ee prodavac, pa nam traju duplo manje, a koliko to tek ko\u0161ta. Pri tome, pesak je izgleda duboko u porama stvari, <\/span>pesak je svuda<\/span><\/i>, poentira.<\/span><\/p>\n

Onda kre\u0107e ono zbog \u010dega se skup organizirao: dubinsko \u010di\u0161\u0107enje kau\u010da. Prodavac prelazi uzdu\u017e i poprijeko tre\u0107inu kau\u010da, pa zaustavlja ma\u0161inu i vadi duple filtere, pokazuje i prljav\u0161tinu i propusnost papira starih ma\u0161ina. Mo\u017eete ovo i s\u00e2mi probati, ka\u017ee, a mi usko\u010dimo u segmentirani ritam \u010di\u0161\u0107enja i dijelimo poteze. David o\u010disti jedan dio, pa pusti prodavca da isklju\u010di ma\u0161inu i opet nam poka\u017ee filtere. Ja o\u010distim jo\u0161 jedan dio i pustim ga da opet isklju\u010di ma\u0161inu i slavodobitno potvrdi svemo\u0107 tehnologije pokazuju\u0107i filter prepun pra\u0161ine i pijeska. Neko\u0107 bijeli papirni krugovi tetovirani su svim nijansama sive. Htela sam odmah da ih bacim, jer znam kako se David osje\u0107a okru\u017een dinama pra\u0161ine, ali prodavac ka\u017ee da moraju ostati. Napomenuo je kako \u0107e ih ostavljati svuda po stanu, da neko ko ga je dovezao i ko \u0107e ponovo do\u0107i na kraju \u2012 neko ko je o\u010dito nadre\u0111eni \u2012 vidi \u0161ta je ura\u0111eno. Ok, kapiramo. Nastavljamo \u010di\u0161\u0107enje sofe. I David i ja u segmentiranim potezima pravimo vrlo temeljne prelaze preko kau\u010da, posebno na dijelovima sa strane gdje se obi\u010dno naslanjaju glave. Sve se odvija u uigranom ritmu: prodavac pri\u010da, poka\u017ee, mi probamo, samo segment, ne odjednom cijelo kako bismo ina\u010de \u010distili, ma\u0161ina se isklju\u010duje, vade se filteri, iskazuje se odu\u0161evljenje. I nakon nekoliko ponavljanja, opet slede pitanja: i kako vam se sada \u010dini, i da li biste voleli imati ovako ne\u0161to, i \u0161ta mislite koliko bi ovakav jedan ure\u0111aj namenjen samo za to ko\u0161tao ako bi se kupovao posebno, i koliko ovo ko\u0161ta ako se radi trideset godina. Brutalno, apsolutno, pa prili\u010dno skupo, \u0161tajaznam, oko sto eura, ne nije, izme\u0111u petsto i hiljadu je, hmm, \u0161ta ti misli\u0161, evo stavi\u0107u najjeftiniju cijenu, evo je l\u2019 vidite koliko prosje\u010dno jedna porodica potro\u0161i na to i to, \u010dak i onda ako ne \u010disti preterano, vauuuuu, strava, ba\u0161 se isplati, neverovatno, toliko godi\u0161nje? Mi nismo i nikada ne\u0107emo biti porodica, pomislim, ali mogao bi vi\u0161e da nam usisa i taj drugi kau\u010d, pro\u0161lo je dva sata i sada sam ve\u0107 jako gladna. \u010cujem kako creva grgolje. Stavimo karakterne maske potro\u0161a\u010da i nastavljamo.<\/span><\/p>\n

A sada naj naj najva\u017eniji deo, ka\u017ee prodavac. Ovo sam ostavio za kraj jer je najbolje, jer zdravlje, pogleda nas zna\u010dajno pa nastavi: nema cenu. Dobro, i ovo za tepihe je najva\u017enije, ali po\u0161to ste rekli da nikada ne\u0107ete imati tepih onda ni\u0161ta, \u2019ste sigurni da nikad ne\u0107ete imati tepih? Mo\u017eda se predomislite. Ako ho\u0107ete da vam poka\u017eem za tepihe, mo\u017eemo da probamo sa otira\u010dem ispred vrata. Ma ne, stvarno nema potrebe, sigurno nikada ne\u0107emo imati tepihe, ne volimo ih, David i ja u nedogovorenom horu kre\u0107emo da ubrzavamo stvar. Vrijeme je da se nagrada besplatnog \u010di\u0161\u0107enja \u2012 koja za sada ko\u0161ta dva sata na\u0161eg naprezanja \u2012 privede kraju. I vrijeme je za na\u0161u ve\u010deru. Goran deluje prili\u010dno umorno, ali je i dalje ozaren. Ipak, sada se doga\u0111a najva\u017eniji dio, a kupci su svaku dodatnu alatku ocijenili maksimalno. Kada nas je pitao koji dio nam se najvi\u0161e svi\u0111a, nismo mogli odlu\u010diti, naveli smo nekoliko dodataka koji su nam u samom vrhu. I svaki put smo potvrdili kako bismo definitivno \u017eeleli da imamo bijesnu ma\u0161inu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Prodavac vadi najkabastiji metalni dodatak, prili\u010dno velike usisne povr\u0161ine sa \u010detkama. Opet se pribli\u017ei Davidovom crvenom usisiva\u010du i uzima kraj cijevi. Izlo\u017ei obe zavr\u0161ne jedinice priljubljeno, je l\u2019 vidite koja je razlika, ka\u017ee. Uuu da daa, mnogo mo\u0107no, govorim dok buljimo u glomaznu zavr\u0161nu \u010detku maestralne ma\u0161ine i malecnu plastiku Davidivog ljubimca. David \u0161uti. Demonstrator objasni kako je ovaj deo prva stvar zbog koje je kompanija poznata, jer se najvi\u0161e ti\u010de zdravlja, a zdravlje…, pogleda nas, <\/span>nema cijenu<\/span><\/i>, ja ko iz topa. Odr\u017ei malo predavanje, ovog puta o grinjama, onda natakne crnu krpu \u2012 koju nam prvo izokre\u0107e kao kakav ma\u0111ioni\u010dar koji pokazuje da nema nikakvih trikova \u2013 na ma\u0161inu. Kona\u010dno odlazi u spava\u0107u sobu. Pomislim kako je sjajno \u0161to je najva\u017eniji dio \u010di\u0161\u0107enja zapao ba\u0161 kau\u010d na kojem spavamo, ima da budemo zdravi ko komarci.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Kau\u010d se rasklapa. Onda se mali bijesni robot uklju\u010duje i postaje najbu\u010dniji do sada. Poput kosilice. Prodavac prelazi preko kreveta \u010ditavom povr\u0161inom. Isklju\u010duje svemirski objekt, nosi crnu krpu u dnevnu sobu, mi kao pili\u0107i za njim. Rasprostire krpu, okupljamo se u krug i napeto \u010dekamo nastavak obja\u0161njenja. Na krpi je kupa beli\u010dasto-sivkaste pra\u0161ine. Pitamo \u0161ta je to, mo\u017eda je malo gadno, ka\u017ee, ali to je otpad od grinja. Kako misli\u0161 otpad, ne\u0161to kao govna od grinja, ma nee, to su ostaci grinja. Zna\u010di le\u0161evi. Pauza za ti\u0161inu. Pa nastavak: da, zamisli koliko toga ina\u010de ima ako je ovo iz kau\u010da koji je nedavno riban i dezinficiran. Onda tra\u017ei nov\u010di\u0107. David donese kovanicu od pet dinara. Lik zahvati grinjo-pra\u0161inu kovanicom i zapali je. Odmah se osjeti \u010dudan miris. Ponuka nas da se pribli\u017eimo da dobro onju\u0161imo <\/span>to sranje<\/span><\/i>. Pa zbaci pra\u0161inu sa nov\u010di\u0107a i vrati ga nazad Davidu. On ispru\u017ei dlan, kao znak za stop, ne nee, ka\u017ee i odmahne glavom. Prodavac se smeje. Ka\u017ee da to nije sve i ponavlja postupak jo\u0161 tri puta. Svakog slede\u0107eg puta kupa je manja, a na kraju pra\u0161ina vi\u0161e nije kupasta, nego tanka srebrnasta Ro\u0161arhova mrlja od preminulih grinja.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sada i prodavac i onaj nadre\u0111eni sede ispred nas. Vrijeme je da im temeljito objasnimo kako ne\u0107emo kupiti ma\u0161inu neverovatnih mogu\u0107nosti, fantasti\u010dnih energetskih i, dugoro\u010dno, nov\u010danih u\u0161teda. Nadre\u0111eni pita smije li zapaliti cigaru. Goran i od njega tra\u017ei jo\u0161 jednu. Naravno, mo\u017ee, samo jo\u0161 nemamo pepeljaru, ka\u017ee David. Nema veze, poslednja je pa \u0107u tresti u kutiju, le\u017eerno ka\u017ee nadre\u0111eni i nastavlja ube\u0111ivanje. Prvo istakne koliko mu je zanimljiv moj \u201eruski\u201f akcenat, ja ka\u017eem \u201ehrvatski\u201f a on ni\u0161ta ne odgovori. Onda nas pita sve isto \u0161to nas je Goran pitao: da li nam se svi\u0111a, koliko nam se svi\u0111a, da li bismo voleli da imamo. Da, jako, da mogu evo sad bih kupila spravu kao poklon Davidu, za Dan republike ili za ro\u0111endan, jer to bi bio najbolji poklon za njega, ka\u017eem. Ali mi nemamo taj novac, naglasim. E zato postoje mogu\u0107nosti pla\u0107anja na rate, ka\u017ee nadre\u0111eni, pa ponudi prvu opciju, a nakon nekoliko minuta na\u0161eg odbijanja ponudi i drugu, povoljniju opciju. Ka\u017ee i zar vam je stvarno pedeset euri\u0107a mese\u010dno puno, kad znate koliko se dugoro\u010dno isplati. Dru\u017ee, ka\u017eem, realno, s obzirom na na\u0161e prekarne materijalne uvjete i situaciju, mi narednih godinu dana ni u ludilu ne mo\u017eemo ovako ne\u0161to da kupimo, jedino kad bismo dobili na lotou, ali jebiga ne igramo loto. Dobro, ka\u017ee on kratko i hladno, zavr\u0161i\u0107u cigaru u hodniku. Naglo ustane, pozdravi se i iza\u0111e. Tajac. Na\u0161 demonstrator jo\u0161 stoji pored vrata terase, slegne ramenima i ka\u017ee: to je Zoran. Pa dobro, pomislim, boli nas kurac i za Zorana, a i za tebe, hajde vi\u0161e idite, pro\u0161lo je skoro tri sata i gladni smo. Ali Goran mirno dovr\u0161ava svoju cigaretu, pa sedne na o\u010di\u0161\u0107eni tabure. Sada se vidi da je premoren. Samo da obavim poziv, ka\u017ee. Pri\u010da, izgleda, sa nadre\u0111enim, koji verovatno dre\u017edi negde ispred ulaza. Onda nas obave\u0161tava da je slede\u0107a \u201edobitnica\u201f, kakva sre\u0107a, tako\u0111er u na\u0161em ulazu, eto ne mora da ide dalje. Po\u0161to smo ranije zavr\u0161ili, ima jo\u0161 pola sata do prezentacije. Onda sedi i \u0107uti nekoliko sekundi. Sada ja naglo ustanem i po\u010dnem da vadim patlid\u017ean iz fri\u017eidera. Ka\u017eem Davidu, kao da se nekome ne\u0161to pravdam, moram ga ise\u0107i da stigne da se odgor\u010di. Kako Goran i dalje sedi na tabureu i zami\u0161ljeno gleda u jednu ta\u010dku, po\u010dinjem ubrzano da spremam klopu. Goran opet uzima telefon i zove. Ovog puta razgovara sa slede\u0107om sretnom dobitnicom. Ona mu potvrdi da je ku\u0107i i da slobodno mo\u017ee do\u0107i ranije. Nakon pozdrava, ponovnih potvrda koliko nam se sprava svi\u0111a i kako \u0107emo je nekad u budu\u0107nosti verovatno kupiti, Goran kona\u010dno odlazi. Verovatno \u0107emo kupiti ma\u0161inu kad se obogatimo plja\u010dkaju\u0107i stanove, pomislim. Prodavac je na kraju jo\u0161 jednom rekao <\/span>ba\u0161 ste super<\/span><\/i>, a onda i mi njemu da je i on super, i jo\u0161: sretno dru\u017ee, \u017eelimo ti da dobije\u0161 taj Be\u010d. Hvala, ajde \u0107ao, \u0107ao.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sa\u010dekali smo koji minut, da nas ne \u010duje, onda prasnuli u smijeh. Jesi li video kako ga je ujeo komarac a kako nije ni trepnuo ni pomjerio se, pitam Davida, a on odu\u0161evljeno potvr\u0111uje. Koji lik, ka\u017eem i smejem se. To je zato \u0161to on nije \u010dovek nego prodavac, ka\u017ee David. Mahnito prepri\u010davamo dijelove doga\u0111aja dok pravimo ve\u010deru. Cerekamo se, iako smo \u010di\u0161\u0107enje platili skoro tri sata vremena. Ipak, divimo se o\u010di\u0161\u0107enim kau\u010dima, stolicama, \u010dak i tastaturama, mo\u017eda nas je ipak zadesio lutrijski zgoditak. Sjetim se Karverove pri\u010de <\/span>Uteriva\u010di<\/span><\/i>, koju sam nedavno \u010ditala i ba\u0161 tada pomislila kako mi nikada niko nije pozvonio na vrata radi \u010di\u0161\u0107enja. Eto, ka\u017eem Davidu kroz suze, dogodila se neka karverovska situacija. Peku me o\u010di od luka koji David se\u010de. I njemu se slivaju suze. A jesi \u010dula kad je opisivao kako mi mislimo da usisiva\u010di usisaju, ali <\/span>to je privid<\/span><\/i>, zamisli, on je to rekao <\/span>za sve usisiva\u010de<\/span><\/i>, ka\u017ee. I to upore\u0111<\/span><\/p>\n

ivanje, pa nije ta sprava samo usisisva\u010d da bi se upore\u0111ivala sa usisiva\u010dima. Stavlja luk na tiganj. To je uvreda za \u010ditav rod usisiva\u010da, ka\u017ee. Smejem se, a on se pribli\u017ei i zagrli me s le\u0111a.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stan miri\u0161e na tikvice, patlid\u017ean, crveni i bijeli luk. David se nasloni na kuhinjsku radnu povr\u0161inu. I dalje je zami\u0161ljen. Pu\u0161i jo\u0161 jednu cigaru, dok se povr\u0107e u tiganju kr\u010dka. A je l\u2019da da moj usisiva\u010d super \u010disti, vi\u0161e potvrdi nego \u0161to me pita.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gray on Gray\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

I watch as the mosquito orbits around his head. For a few minutes already, I think. He continues\u00a0 to speak steadily, and it seems as if he neither hears nor notices the flying thing. Nothing distracts him. Is it a mosquito? I ask myself if David, who is sitting next to me and listening to the presentation, also notices it. The mosquito, or whatever it is, lands exactly on the salesman\u2019s right temple. He continues speaking, not moving anything other than his mouth. He doesn\u2019t wave his hand. He doesn\u2019t blink.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been half an hour since he came, and he\u2019s only gone over a small part of the presentation in which he describes the possibilities of a miraculous machine for house cleaning and maintenance. So, what do you think? he asks us after each segment. Approximately how much would each piece of this device cost if bought separately? David and I guess numbers, knowing\u00a0 it\u2019s important to the guy that he goes through every step since that\u2019s how his company calculates his points for the day. To us, it\u2019s important that he cleans our sofas. This one in the living room and the one in our bedroom.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We just moved in. At first, we were thrilled when they let us know that they\u2019d drawn our names in the sweepstakes: we won a free cleaning. After the initial wave of excitement, David thought a bit and said it was possible they were thieves. Because, if he were a burglar, he would do it exactly that way, David explained to me. He would present home appliances that he allegedly sold, and at the same time, he would memorize the faces of the residents so when they left the building, he could sit in his car and carefully wait for a familiar visage. Isn\u2019t it strange, he had asked me, that they insist we both have to be present?<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been together for only a few months, David and I, and this logic of his calms me down a lot. The way he immediately makes a <\/span>plan <\/span><\/i>out of everything, even out of danger. There are many good ways we can get rich, he had told me. We can even be burglars.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the end, we decided to host a salesman in our just-rented apartment at the agreed-upon time, hoping for a cleaning. Still, we came up with mechanisms on how to anticipate a potential robbery of our things. First, we would ask the salesman what company he was from, then David would Google and check it out while I was supposed to chat and charm the potential threat. We remembered that we could even ask the salesman for identification. We went through a few other options and continued to happily wait for our free deep cleaning of the sofas.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But now, our excitement is waning. We\u2019re getting tired. And the salesman is just getting started. The mosquito, or some other bug, stays on Goran\u2019s temple. That\u2019s the name of the salesman:\u00a0 Goran. He studies at the Faculty of Technical Sciences, and he just started doing this sales thing two months ago. He carefully presents every step he must explain in at least two and at most three hours, because if he collects enough points at the sales company, they\u2019re going to send him to Vienna for a month for training. He tells us all of this at the beginning, trying to score some points with us by using the honesty card.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to wave and shoo away the mosquito, fly, or whatever, but I expect that Goran will do that himself; there\u2019s no way it\u2019s not bothering him. I continue to immerse myself, along with David, in the role of an interested buyer. I think how it would be great if we had money, enough so that I could immediately interrupt the presentation and give David, who is obsessive about cleanliness, Goran\u2019s magical machine. The mosquito flies off, and Goran gets up after a few minutes. He takes out yet another attachment for the machine, which he is now using to clean <\/span>our floor. I\u2019m still following what he\u2019s saying, but I make sure not to miss what\u2019s happening with his temple. Is there at least a little redness appearing?\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

First, we will clean with your ordinary vacuum, he says, then with my machine. His metal contraption is smaller than a vacuum but has a bunch of attachments that are in a huge box. The silver-black machine\u2019s sharp angles make it look like a dangerous being from a <\/span>Star Wars\u00a0 <\/span><\/i>movie. David\u2019s red vacuum, which is mostly plastic, is sitting next to it. He turns David\u2019s vacuum on and goes over the floor in a few strokes. After, he pulls out and shows us an entire package\u00a0 of little white circles, paper filters shaped like the smallest crocheted doilies, the ones usually under ashtrays or vases. He puts one filter in a compartment of his own machine then goes over the same surface. He turns off the machine and takes out the paper, which has greyish-brown traces of dust. You can feel the sand, Goran says, and we touch the filter and express, for who\u00a0 knows how many times, enthusiasm. We confirm that we like this attachment. After a quick glance, I realize that David is downcast. The presentation is slowly becoming a fight between his old vacuum cleaner and the small yet mighty contraption, a match between a featherweight and a heavyweight.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The salesman is talking and showing different cleaning methods. It\u2019s getting hotter and hotter even though it rained earlier on this relatively cool summer day. We\u2019re in a small, well-insulated\u00a0 apartment. The balcony doors are open. Goran\u2019s face is shinier and shinier, his voice softening. He\u2019s been speaking for almost an hour, his words filling the room like popcorn. He gives us two paper circles to compare. The one that tears easily is for ordinary vacuums, and the indestructible one, which David and I try to tear without success, is for the Star Wars space machine. An old vacuum, the salesman insists, lasts around five years. This one lasts for at\u00a0 least thirty. I look at David\u2019s vacuum, which resembles a soft pet, then glance at Goran\u2019s machine, which leers at me. A red bump with a white center shows up on Goran\u2019s temple. So it\u00a0<\/span>was a mosquito after all. He still doesn\u2019t touch it, doesn\u2019t lift his hand to scratch himself. He continues to pack up the demonstrated attachments, promising, We\u2019re getting to the important part, before taking out a plastic tube. It isn\u2019t ordinary plastic, he emphasizes, as if it\u2019s important. My company invests in high-quality materials.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He sets up the tube in three different ways, each for different types of vacuuming: for reaching under corners; vacuuming the floor in a standing position without bending your back; vacuuming higher surfaces, including the ceiling, again while standing upright without bending, tiptoeing, or climbing on a chair, all <\/span>gentlemanlike<\/span><\/i>. This is the second time that he uses the word\u00a0 gentlemanlike, so I picture a group of people in suits, sporting ties as they vacuum the upper part of their closet. Goran points out that you can\u2019t put a price tag on health, and this device is the solution for almost all health problems. I focus on the bump on his temple\u2014the salesman still hasn\u2019t touched the site of the bite once, not even in passing. Calmly, with practiced\u00a0 movements and order, he shows the possibilities of vacuuming the floor, ceiling, and wall. His face is even shinier. It\u2019s wet.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Goran moves his hands steadily, the golden chain around his left wrist gently shaking. His bump is getting bigger and bigger. It\u2019s irritating me. I begin to fidget. The salesman turns off the machine and takes out both filters. The first one, meant for old vacuum cleaners, is leaking dust\u00a0 onto the filter placed below it. The second filter is impermeable and cannot be torn. He switches them a few times so that the impermeable filter is full of dust while the other one stays almost clean. Even more proof that ordinary vacuum cleaners, which return a lot of what is vacuumed up back into the air, leak a good part of dirt through the paper filter, he explains to us.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

More proof that David\u2019s trusted vacuum, his red buddy, is inferior. David gets up and goes out to\u00a0 the balcony. He lights a cigarette. Goran pauses, seeming almost happy, and asks David for a\u00a0<\/span>cigarette. I can\u2019t wait to offer him more water and for all of us to leave our economic roles for a moment. Feel free to take a break, I tell him. Relax a bit. Goran takes a cigarette and begins to talk to David with a more relaxed tone. Even though I\u2019m fussing around the sink, I constantly turn around to follow the situation with the bump on Goran\u2019s forehead; I don\u2019t want to miss the\u00a0 moment when he\u2019ll scratch himself. The salesman sneezes. Allergies? I ask. Yes, he says. From dust? No, to ragweed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I look at Goran\u2019s bump. He hasn\u2019t raised his hand to scratch it even during his break. Now he\u2019s asking us about ourselves again, like he did at the beginning of his visit. He asks where we\u2019re\u00a0 from, what year we were born, then interrupts us to guess, missing mine by nearly a decade. He\u00a0 widens his eyes when he calculates the age gap between David and me, and says with a declining tone, Well, okay<\/span>. <\/span><\/i>He\u2019s already wandered around the apartment a few times, pointing out how we are very neat. I wonder if he\u2019ll say, You guys are awesome, again, the way he did when he was\u00a0 sizing us up at the beginning.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Can I ask you something? I say. Of course, he responds. How neat are you? Honestly, not really, he says. He explains that he doesn\u2019t tidy up his apartment often, but when he sets his mind to it, he cleans it all. I don\u2019t ask him if he owns the appliance he\u2019s trying to sell to us; he already said he\u2019s a student and that he started working this role recently for some extra money. I doubt that he can afford it. He seems clean; you can smell a fruity note, something like those\u00a0 deodorants that were popular in the nineties. Denim and stuff like that. There\u2019s a golden chain on his left hand, a fancy watch on the right.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

His lecture in the spirit of commodity aesthetics soon continues. Up next is an attachment with a particularly strong fine-bristled brush that vacuums up dust from hidden parts of a home. He\u00a0 tells me to bring my laptop. I run to the bedroom immediately, but I stop and think for a bit. If\u00a0<\/span>he\u2019s a burglar, now he knows that I have a laptop. Although he\u2019ll probably take notice of how old it is, I should emphasize that several letters on the keyboard don\u2019t work. I bring my laptop, and\u00a0 the salesman spends several minutes vacuuming up the dusty stuff between the keys that cannot even be cleaned with a Q-tip. He shows the previously white filters, now full of dust. Was this stuff going up my nose when I typed? I immediately run to the room to bring our wireless PC\u00a0 keyboard. I realize that Goran is less of a thief and more of a Santa Claus who will nicely clean everything and save us from dirt, bacteria, mites, sand, and all the grime in the world. Sand is bad for our lives, Goran says as he thoroughly vacuums the wireless keyboard. It ruins our furniture, and it hides everywhere. And remember: you just can\u2019t put a price tag on health.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the second-to-last part of Goran\u2019s presentation, more important than all the previous ones, the salesman finally announces the cleaning of our sofa. This presentation is gradual; for each segment, he emphasizes that something more important is coming, that the peak of cleanliness\u00a0 hasn\u2019t even yet occurred. So, it\u2019s the couch\u2019s turn.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Both couches that were there when we moved in are old. David and I, but mostly David, shy away from using something when we don\u2019t know who used it before us. David is obsessed with cleanliness. He tidies the apartment almost every day, ensuring sponges are properly drained\u00a0 after washing the dishes and disinfecting everything with high-percentage cleaning alcohol. The bathroom receives special treatment; he thoroughly pours bleach all over. Every two to three days, David vacuums. The places where we sleep, eat, bathe, and make love are red flags on his cleaning map. And if something is unknown, like the apartment we just moved into, that alerts his antennae even more, prompting him to hypothesize about everything that someone did here before us, from the origins of stains to how many hairs and secretions former tenants have left for us.<\/span><\/p>\n

The salesman fits another attachment to his machine. David remembers that Goran could vacuum the upholstered parts of the dining room chairs, on the backrest and seat. Goran obliges, so we manically push the table against the wall, freeing all of the chairs for easy\u00a0 cleaning. As he vacuums, our elation rises again. We continue giving maximum marks for every attachment that Goran presents to us. We continue to be surprised by how powerful the machine is and what all is being sucked up from surfaces that I scrubbed with a brush and strong chemicals just a few days ago. Those popular substances are not able to clean, Goran says. They also destroy our chairs and couches, so furniture lasts only half as long, and how much does that wind up costing you? Besides, sand is always deep in the pores of our things.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then it\u2019s time for the primary purpose of our gathering: cleaning the sofa. The salesman passes over a third of the couch, then stops the machine and takes out its filters, showing the dirt and\u00a0 permeability of the papers from David\u2019s old vacuum. You can try this yourselves, Goran says, and so we jump into a segmented rhythm of cleaning. David cleans one part of the couch, then lets the salesman turn off the machine and show us the filters. I clean another part before Goran turns the machine off again, triumphantly confirming the superiority of his company\u2019s technology by showing us a filter full of sand and dust. The once-white paper circles are tattooed with shades of gray.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to throw them out right away; I know how David feels surrounded by dynamos of dust, but the salesman says that they have to stay. He mentions that he will leave them around the apartment so that a superior who dropped him off and will come again at the end of his presentation can see what was done. Ok\u2014we understand. We continue cleaning the sofa. In segmented movements, David and I make very thorough passes over the couch, especially the\u00a0 side where we usually rest our heads. Everything is happening in a practiced rhythm: the\u00a0<\/span>salesman talks, demonstrates, we try, just a segment, not all at once how we would usually clean, the machine is turned off, the filters are taken out, delight is shown.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After a few repetitions, the questions come again\u2014what do you think now, and would you like to\u00a0 have something like this, and what do you guess: how much would an appliance just for this purpose cost if you bought it separately, and don\u2019t you think it pays itself off if you use it for thirty years? Then strong, amazing, and well, pretty expensive, but what do I know, it\u2019s about one hundred euros, wait, no, it isn\u2019t, it\u2019s between five hundred and a thousand, but what do you think, here, I\u2019ll offer the cheapest price, do you see about how much the average household spends on this, even if it isn\u2019t cleaned too often, it really is worth the cost<\/span>\u2026\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been two hours. I wish Goran would vacuum the second couch already. Plus, I\u2019m really\u00a0 hungry; I can hear my stomach gurgling. David and I put on our masks of consumer characters and continue. And now the really, really important part, Goran says. I saved this for last since it\u2019s the best, and because, as you know, you can\u2019t put a price tag\u2014he looks at us significantly before continuing\u2014on health. He begins to pull out another device and drones on, This cleaner for carpets is great, but I remember you two saying that you\u2019ll never have a full-room carpet. Are you sure about that? Maybe you\u2019ll change your mind. If you want me to show you this cleaner and how well it works, we can try vacuuming the doormat. No, really; there\u2019s no need, David and I interject, trying to speed things up as though we\u2019re part of an unplanned chorus. We\u2019ll definitely never have carpets; we don\u2019t like them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s time that the reward of a free cleaning, which has already cost us two hours of our lives, comes to an end. Besides, it\u2019s dinnertime. Goran seems tired yet still manages to act wound up. After all, the most important part is happening; us buyers are giving him our ratings of his presentation. When he asks us which part we liked the best, we can\u2019t decide. I name a few\u00a0<\/span>attachments that I remember the names of. David affirms convincingly that we would definitely\u00a0 like to have Goran\u2019s amazing machine. The salesman takes out his biggest metal accessory, a fairly large vacuum surface with brushes. He goes up to David\u2019s red vacuum cleaner again and\u00a0 takes the end of its hose. He shows us both final attachments pressed together, marveling, Do you see how big the difference is?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, yes. Really powerful, I say while I stare at how the massive brush of Goran\u2019s magisterial machine dwarfs the little plastic of David\u2019s pet vacuum. David is quiet. Goran explains how this part is the first thing for which his company is famous, because, It has the most to do with maintaining your health, and you can\u2019t\u2026 Goran looks at us expectantly, and I blurt out, Put a\u00a0 price tag on health. Satisfied, Goran continues giving his new lecture, this time about dust mites. He puts a black cloth on the machine, not before twisting it around like some magician showing that there are no tricks. Goran finally gets up and goes into our bedroom. I think about how\u00a0 great it is that the most important cleaning part is right on the couch where we sleep. Goran better clean it so well that we become as healthy as mosquitos.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The sofa folds out. Goran\u2019s little fierce robot turns on, and is the loudest it\u2019s been so far, like a\u00a0 lawn mower. The salesman goes over the entire surface of the sofa. He turns off the space object,\u00a0 takes the black cloth to the living room, and we follow him like chicks. We circle him as he spreads\u00a0 out the cloth, tensely awaiting the rest of his explanation. There is a pile of grayish-white dust on the cloth. Maybe it is a little gross, Goran admits, but this is the dust mite waste. What do you mean by waste? Something like poop? I ask. No, Goran assures me. Waste as in the remains of\u00a0 the dust mites. Just their corpses. A pause for silence. Then the rest: Yes, think about how much of that there usually is if this came out of a sofa that was recently scrubbed and disinfected.<\/span><\/p>\n

1<\/span>Then he asks for a coin. David offers one worth five dinars. Goran scoops up the mite-dust with\u00a0 the coin and sets the pile of debris on fire. We\u2019re immediately hit with a strange smell as Goran\u00a0 encourages us to come close and really smell that shit<\/span>. <\/span><\/i>Then he brushes the dust from the coin and gives it back to David. He spreads out his palm, like a stop sign, shaking his head and refusing the coin. The salesman laughs and repeats the process three more times. Each time, the pile is smaller, and in the end, the dust is no longer pile-shaped, but a thin silver Rorschach blot of dead\u00a0 mites.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The presentation ends, and it\u2019s time for the finale. Goran calls in his supervisor, so now Goran and his supervisor are sitting in front of us. It\u2019s time to thoroughly explain that we will not be buying the machine of incredible capabilities, fantastic power, and (long-term) financial savings. The supervisor asks if he can light a cigarette. Goran asks his supervisor for one, too. Of course you\u00a0 can, except we don\u2019t have an ashtray, says David. No worries; it\u2019s the last one, so I\u2019ll shake it into the box, the supervisor says leisurely before mentioning how interesting my Russian accent is. I\u00a0 say, It\u2019s Croatian, but he doesn\u2019t answer. Then he asks us the same questions Goran asked: do we like it, how much do we like it, would we like to have it. Yes, a lot, if I could, I would buy the appliance now as a present for David, for Yugoslav Republic Day or for his birthday, because that would be the best present for him, I say. But we don\u2019t have that kind of money. We have the\u00a0 possibility of paying in installments, the supervisor says, then offers a financial plan, then after a\u00a0 few minutes of our refusals, offers another, more affordable option, saying that fifty euros monthly\u00a0 isn\u2019t too much considering how much his product pays off long-term. Buddy, I say, considering our precarious material conditions and situation, there\u2019s no way we can buy something like this in the next year. Maybe if we won the lottery, but we don\u2019t play the lottery.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Alright, he says coldly and curtly. I\u2019ll finish my cigarette in the hallway outside. He gets up, says\u00a0 goodbye, and leaves the apartment. Silence. Our demonstrator, Goran, is standing by the balcony\u00a0 doors, shrugging his shoulders and saying, That\u2019s Zoran. Well, I think to myself, we don\u2019t give a\u00a0 fuck about Zoran, or about you. Come on and get out of here already! It\u2019s been nearly three hours,\u00a0 and we\u2019re hungry. But Goran calmly finishes his cigarette, then sits on the cleaned stool. He is visibly exhausted. Just let me make a call, he says. He\u2019s talking, it seems, with the supervisor,\u00a0 who\u2019s probably lurking somewhere in front of the apartment building entrance. Goran lets us know that the next sweepstake winner that he and Zoran will be meeting with is, what luck, living in our complex, so Goran doesn\u2019t have to move on too quickly from us. Since we finished earlier, he has another half hour until the presentation. He sits in silence for a few seconds. I get up suddenly and begin taking the eggplant out of the fridge. I tell David, as if I have to excuse myself to someone, that I have to cut it up so it loses its bitterness. Since Goran is still sitting on the stool and pensively staring into space, I begin to quickly make our food. Goran takes out his phone again and makes a call. This time, he\u2019s talking to the next lucky winner. She confirms that she\u2019s home and that he\u2019s free to come earlier than expected. After goodbyes and repeated confirmations about how much we like the appliance and how we\u2019ll probably buy it in the future, Goran finally leaves. We\u2019ll probably buy the machine when we get rich by robbing apartments, I think. Before he left, Goran assured us that we were really great, so we said that he was really great, too, and that we hoped he\u2019d get his trip to Vienna.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We wait a minute after Goran shuts the door behind him so he doesn\u2019t hear us. Then, we burst out laughing. Did you see when the mosquito bit him and he didn\u2019t even blink or move, I ask\u00a0 David, and he confirms with delight. What a guy, I laugh. That\u2019s because he\u2019s not a man but a salesman, says David. We feverishly retell parts of the event while we make dinner. We\u2019re\u00a0 grinning, even though we paid for the cleaning with almost three hours of time. Still, we admire\u00a0<\/span>our newly cleaned sofas, chairs, and keyboards, thinking maybe we really did win the lottery. I\u00a0 remember Raymond Carver\u2019s story “<\/span>Collectors<\/span>,” <\/span><\/i>which I read recently. I thought at the time how nobody ever rang my doorbell to clean. There, I tell David through tears caused by cutting onions. We just experienced a Carveresque situation. Tears are also pricking at David\u2019s eyes. And did you hear when he described how his machine was better than our vacuum? David asks. All that comparison, yet that thing he was trying to sell wasn\u2019t just a vacuum, so it was disingenuous for him to compare it to our regular one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

David puts minced onion in the frying pan. That creature was an insult to all vacuums, he says. I laugh, and he comes close to hug me from behind. The apartment smells of zucchini, eggplants, red onion, and garlic. David leans on the kitchen counter. He\u2019s still pensive, smoking another cigarette as vegetables bubble in the pan. And isn\u2019t it true that my vacuum cleans great? he confirms more than asks.<\/span><\/p>\n

MAJA SOLAR<\/a><\/h6>\n
REBECCA DURAS<\/a><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A story by Maja Solar translated from Serbo-Croatian by Rebecca Duras   Sivilom na sivom Gledam kako komarac gravitira oko njegove glave. \u010cini se, ve\u0107 \u010ditavih nekoliko minuta. On nastavlja da pri\u010da stameno i izgleda kao da niti \u010duje niti prime\u0107uje lete\u0107i objekt. Ni\u0161ta ga ne ometa. Hm, je li to komarac? Pitam se da […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2318,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[83,1],"tags":[36],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Jypy-52n","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19367"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2318"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19367"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19457,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19367\/revisions\/19457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}