{"id":14794,"date":"2018-08-01T00:13:35","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T05:13:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/?p=14794"},"modified":"2018-08-01T12:55:32","modified_gmt":"2018-08-01T17:55:32","slug":"early-morning-conversations-after-my-mother-stops-taking-medication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/archives\/14794","title":{"rendered":"Early Morning Conversations After My Mother Stops Taking Medication"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em>The sick mind is beautiful and cannot sleep.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>\u2014<\/em><em>Allison Benis White<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>A low-strung sun splinters my bedroom window.<br \/>\nThe yellow light slits across my daughter\u2019s face<\/p>\n<p>as her head rests against my chest. My belly<br \/>\nbrims with another. As one hand strokes the soft-<\/p>\n<p>fat of her young cheek, the other holds my phone and the world<br \/>\nis made small enough. In this half-light, I can almost believe<\/p>\n<p>in paradise. In the god I knew as a child. Before I learned<br \/>\nwhat it means to be more than a girl. Before my mother\u2019s mind<\/p>\n<p>broke from her body.<\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>[<em>Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>It affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People<br \/>\n<\/em><em>with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality<\/em>.]<\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>My daughter tells me god is in the trees, the sky, a sea-<br \/>\ngull\u2019s wings. She asks, <em>Do you see him?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>My mother calls to tell me she is a seagull.<\/p>\n<p>When I ask where she will go, she says<\/p>\n<p><em>I can<\/em><em>\u2019<\/em><em>t tell you. People are listening to us, but don<\/em><em>\u2019<\/em><em>t worry<br \/>\n<\/em><em>god is speaking. Do you hear him? <\/em><\/p>\n<p>*<br \/>\n<em>(&#8220;O, that you were yourself!<\/em><em>\u201d\u2014<\/em><em>another self, a future self, a natural self; any self; self-possessed. Whispered to that none-self, that nonesuch:<br \/>\n<\/em><em>you had a mother,<\/em><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>let your daughter say so.)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>*<\/p>\n<p>I want to protect my children from the wind. From the sea. But, how can I save<\/p>\n<p>a mind from swallowing itself &amp; the ground beneath?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 16px\"><sup>*<\/sup><\/span>\u00a0<span style=\"font-size: 16px\">National Institute of Mental Health (2016). <em>Schizophrenia<\/em>. Retrieved October 10, 2017, from<br \/>\nhttps:\/\/www.nimh.nih.gov\/health\/topics\/schizophrenia\/index.shtml.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 16px\"><sup>**<\/sup><\/span>\u00a0<span style=\"font-size: 16px\">The section \u201c(O, that you were yourself\u2026)&#8221; is from Meghan O\u2019Rourke\u2019s \u201cUnnatural Essay,\u201d published in the September\/October Issue, Volume XXXIX, Number 15 of the <em>Kenyon Review.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<h6><a href=\"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/archives\/14720\">Erika Goodrich<\/a><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; The sick mind is beautiful and cannot sleep. \u2014Allison Benis White &nbsp; &nbsp; A low-strung sun splinters my bedroom window. The yellow light slits across my daughter\u2019s face as her head rests against my chest. My belly brims with another. As one hand strokes the soft- fat of her young cheek, the other holds [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1704,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[57],"tags":[25],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6Jypy-3QC","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14794"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1704"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14794"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14968,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14794\/revisions\/14968"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp0.vanderbilt.edu\/nashvillereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}